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| 11:06pm 19/05/2009 |
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Your a burke christopher. |
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| I have returned. |
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| 10:57pm 19/05/2009 |
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So he thought of something then it lost, the enclosed stages of the book, they for told his destiny beneath the cannon beaten towers. Unto the and the forth, preached to an army of him own. Not for the want of the world only the world of his own. Another nonevent of the universe. It's not prey it's worship I know this now like I know my tomb yet so happy like in the womb.
Everything burns. |
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| 06:28pm 27/03/2009 |
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music: The Smiths-please,please,please,let me get what I want.
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I don't have an overdraft no more, I think it was like 9 years in the red, I don't think I'll ever be able to get a house, or gvet a credit card or anything but there you go. I'm just happy and feeling contempt that things are going well. |
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| 02:22pm 21/03/2009 |
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Let me sleep so my teeth won't grind, hear a sound from a voice inside. |
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| 01:17pm 17/03/2009 |
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music: Pantera-5 minutes alone.
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She has boyfriend, oh dear, this is becoming a bad joke. I think this is my destiny to just be a sad loser who gets ideas in his head which amount to very little.
On a different note practice was very productive yesterday, Jon and myself spent a majority of the time playing Nirvana and Smiths covers. We have a new song which with written, but I'm not with it just yet, theres a few things I've got to get to grips with, though theres certain licks I can do now that are starting to impress him. So atleast everything isn't bad. And we didn't smoke no dope, and I still enjoyed myself.
We have to do everything for ourselves now days don't we(thats actully been the case for a while if truth be told).
Everything burns. |
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| 02:40pm 15/03/2009 |
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Er I think I'm in love but I'm not sure. I'm glad I never said nothing to that Kayliegh bird, I think shes to clean cut for me anyway, she seems to dance to music that sucks. Though shes not the problem now. The problem is hopes sister, she was in my dream last night, I get spooked out by that sort of thing. Er and it weren't a wet dream or anything pervy like that, and yet again I don't think I'd be her type either.
I hear a mad dog chasing cars in my head over and over and over, like Heath said I wouldn't know what to do if I caught one. Talking of Heath there was a bio on tv about him today. It's such a waste, he was talented.
So the thoughts for next week are do I say anything to Katie, do I get over the fact I'm so puny and maybe she isn't that shallow?????????? I don't think it'll happen.
even so..........HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Everything burns. |
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| 11:53am 13/03/2009 |
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Ok all was forgiven, Glen and myself made up. He said he actully has more respect for me for saying what I think rather than just agreeing with him. I think he would piss his pants if he knew the little episode I had the other night or how depressed I was the next day.
I've just come to the conclusion that I survive, even though I have a weak personality(well most of the time). Though nihilism dictates that only the strong survive, though really all of this actully means nothing on grand scale. People don't stay mad with me for long, I still have this odd ability to manipulate people even if I aint as good at it as I used to be.
Secondly I'm really starting to think this is all self indulgent shit that I write and maybe I need to find more constructive thngs to write about...er...no. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Everything burns. |
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| 11:30am 10/03/2009 |
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I feel as if the world has come to an end, I've now been offically fucked off by Glen, he called me spineless I called him self rightous. And then a load of shit just came out of my mouth and he switched. So I might aswell start looking for a new job. You can't work in a room with no windows that is so isolated with a man who has no wish to speak to you. Fuck knows what is gonna be like tonight, He'll talk to Maia and not to me. Won't surprise me if he tells me to go home. And christ knows what he's telling Sandra about a I even write this. I got drunk before I went home last night cos I didn't know how to handle it. I got home and I cryed, then I got angry then I felt gutted. Grandad said this morning don't resign because he's won, but won what? it's a pants job anyway, and it feels one minute everyone likes you then the next everyone hates you, and everyone makes exactly the same same amount of mistakes yet everyone jumps on each other when it happens. I never done anything that was really out of line, I've never stole anything,always turned up most of the time early, ok I fucked up one day, but I genuinely made a mistake.
I feel like shit, everything is going sour again. I don't think I've ever felt so alone. |
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| 12:35pm 05/03/2009 |
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Although atleast most of my delusions are within some kind of a reality and not just a fantasy which is never ever ever ever gonna come true.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. |
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| 12:21pm 05/03/2009 |
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How deluded I actually am, I just make all this stuff up in my head. Even when I stop taking drugs I still do it. I think this is actully it now, I don't think I'm ever gonna find the right person. Maybe I'm just condemed to live the life of a loser. I don't see my friends hardly anymore, Jon has always got an excuse or it's the other way round and I'm the flop. I start thinking this kayleigh bird likes me but she don't, and Glen and the others say you need to tell her, for what? If she aint gonna go out with mike(Mr Rugby Homo bum head, although I actually like him but thats not the point) then what has a boy(theres no point in trying to pretend I'm a man) who has the build of jesus on a hunger strike gonna do?????????
I've had enough, I'm going to play drums.
EVERYTHING BURNS. |
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| When was that then? |
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| 01:36pm 04/03/2009 |
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No match, crawl back into the shell.
Make way for the overlord then disintegrate into dust.
Displeased and distrust.
No Flaws, crawl back into the corner.
Establish common ground then disintegrate into dust.
Dishonor and distrust.
No chance, crawl back into the ground.
Lose all sense of coordernation then disintegrate into dust.
Disrupted and distrust. |
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| 02:37pm 19/02/2009 |
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"HA HA HAHA HAHA HA HA HA" |
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| 02:04pm 18/02/2009 |
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I've ordered my joker T-shirt, band wagon.....yeah fuck off. Theres a leaving doo doo for Terry(prick) which I won't be going to next week. Strangely enough they didn't ask Glen if he wanted to go, and I'm fed up of being nice to Terry, I've been a tea-leaf in my time but I would've said most of that was from spite as opposed to greed. He is just a robbing cunt.
They've started selling biltong in the sausage shop in Beckenham, Grandad has orders to buy some, thing is I'll scoff the lot in one night so i don't think it'll be a regular thing.
Everything Burns. |
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| 05:53pm 16/02/2009 |
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I keep seeing her face everywhere, why does this still haunt me. It's like heath Ledgers Joker has been fucking with my head since Christmas. I had control, now I've lost control. I wish my face was as ugly as the rest of my body and soul. Even though I'm harmless I still have the ability to scare people, screaming nihilism, everything burns. |
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| 02:33pm 03/02/2009 |
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My head hurts, I found this an excuse to leave the flat because grandad moaning to much. I've had the past five days off work, I think Glen wanted me to go in yesterday cos the other two would'nt been able to get in, but I stuck my head under the covers when the phone rang. Anyway with everyone indoors I doubt they was busy yesterday anyway. I think i need to get a job thats more taxing anyway, atleast then I will be on shit money but I will b kept out of trouble cos there won't be time to misbehave. I should've gone to see the boys weekend just gone but I went about as far as bromley to get James' B.day present. And even then I found myself at the wrong place at the wrong time. It must amuse people even if they don't know what sort of state I'm in.
I completed Halo 3 on legendery, it seemed good at first, but like the first two once you've played it thats it really. I need to get online at grandads then play it on the net me thinks. I'm now debating what game to get next.
I've gotta get over to Jons this week two, we aint practiced for near on a month, though I get in as much as I can when I'm by myself.
Oh how boring my life really is, I need to go somewhere, see something, do something. |
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| Army of Jeff. |
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| 05:07pm 31/03/2008 |
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Now I have become the slave of brothers man, and still as body's we do not move. Carried on the wings of the messenger God. And how it falls silently on deaf ears. Oh heart bleeds, yet is ignorance to forget, the damage is done, now every action has a dire results. And for no more the fumes the narcotic, the blood clots in my noses. I will never be forgiven and so the story goes.
Pound for pound the weakest man on the firm, I dreamed I saw shed skin of a woman, she impaled my finger and then kissed it so what does this mean????
I am still my own man, if there is all that is left I'd sooner die now, to think of what I was and what i have become. Shadows of what once was, never again, always again, as apathy chokes my soul. There is a fine line between want and need. I could never bring self to bleed, yet so truly weak, and all these lies of which i speak.
Oh please pray for the Army of jeff, which once left, for over the hills and far away. Oh dear sweet God, to which you have children lead. The voice of God commands. Forever and ever and ever Amen. We still pretend, never rejoice because disease never goes away.
As I kneel on the steps of god with my knife in my hand......................... |
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| Todays thought's. |
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| 12:56am 06/12/2007 |
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To never speak unless it is fed, in anticipation brooding lusts speak as if they can consume mountains.As I trail along hills that feel like mountains. The be all and to end all,to the questions never asked.Hail from another state of mind, this is mine and you cannot not have,I'm glad you don't understand.
Apathy is logical, try to tell me I'm wrong,though my mind can't heed. |
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| 04:09pm 11/10/2007 |
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I forgot about this, quite clearly I have to many real things to do. |
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| 05:12pm 25/01/2007 |
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Well it was a weird Xmas, I got stuff. And I just worked loads, which means I'm pretty good for money at the moment. I came to the conclusion that there was a God, then 5 days later I came to the conclusion that there wasn't. Starts at the begining of the week, I was coming down off pills. I was feeling fragile. I couldn't sleep and I needed to recharge cos I had no energy and I had to cook dinner for mum and dad (kinda like a present to them for xmas). I had no draw though, and the only way I was gonna relax enough to sleep is if I had a spliff. I got down on my kness and wept to the Almighty, to see if he could save my sleepless soul. And I found a fat bud underneath my bed. The next day thinking that god was obviously on my side I got hold of michelle and asked her if she wanted to go out somewhere. She had broken up with her Boyfreind some weeks before and i thought I had a chance but NO. And made myself one of the biggest throws of rejection since my last relationship.
However I have used this, turned my pity into anger and then focused the anger into motivation. The past three weeks have been spent working at the Garrick Club in London on my work experience. And the force is growing strong with me. And I'll I want is to be good at my vocation, it provides me with the revenge I crave for.
So I am all good now. |
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| 01:56pm 17/11/2006 |
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Some people are fucking worms and I'm so above them. Some people have stuff laid on a plate and have to work for nothing, they're worms too. I should be master of the universe them I could stamp on them and the world would be rid of worms. Bastards. |
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